my journey to wellness

So my hubby recently sent me an e-mail that contained the following link.  It describes the “12 germiest places” in your life.  Out of the entire article, I couldn’t help but wonder who was the poor sod whose job it was to measure the amount of feces in each pair of dirty underwear … 

http://barfblog.foodsafety.ksu.edu/2007/10/articles/food-safety-communication/12-germiest-places/index.html

My porn:  FoodNetwork.

His porn:  the Golf Channel.

I’m hoping that I will look back at this time in my life as a period that helped define who I really am.  Cuz in all honesty, right now it sucks pretty darn bad. 

I just had a good sob and that helped somewhat. 

I’ve talked several times about the incredible support I get from so many people in my life.  Right now, the people whom I generally lean on are all dealing with their own issues, and I feel so helpless at times.

Having an addictive crutch I could turn to seems very appealing at this point (does caffeine-free Diet Pepsi count?)  And what exactly would that addiction be?  Bad-tasting fizzy brown water?  I could go to BTFBWA.  Think I may have to be the founder of that one.  Funny how the sarcasm never seems to abandon me.  It just includes more curse words.

Anyway, now that I feel I’m right in the thick of it all, I do NEED to write.  I’ve been looking very inwardly lately and I now need to spend some time spewing it all.  So, duck and cover.  This one may be ugly. 

So, you know I’m on the vegan diet.  The low-fat, low-GI, low-carb, no caffeine, no artificial sweeteners, no nuts, no avocadoes, no olives, vegan diet.  And this has been about a month now and I’ve lost 4 pounds which isn’t bad.  But the disgusting thing is, my hubby who is only part-time on the aforementioned diet, while still maintaining the coke-swilling, chocolate-bar-inhaling, and bacon-and-pizza-eating diet, has lost 5 pounds. 

Undeniable evidence that life is not fair. 

So it’s now 3.5 weeks into the vegan diet.  Surprisingly, I’m not yet ogling anyone’s burgers, wings, or even bacon (altho’ I do feel we need new legislation to regulate what is allowed to be called bacon.  Soy bacon is definitely an oxymoron).  The whole thing (maybe due to its newness) still feels like a bit of a grand adventure.  I always seem to be eating outside of the mainstream anyway, so “not eating what everyone else is eating” is nothing new. 

While I don’t really miss the meat, I do miss the cheese.  I used to eat a lot of cheese - it was such a quick and delicious snack.  And it “really” melts, not like the “puddling” of soy cheese.  The Dr. Barnard book I read said that there are 4 types of foods that we physiologically crave, and they have been shown to affect our brains in similar ways to drugs or alcohol.  They are:  sugar, chocolate, meat and cheese.  So maybe I need to go to some “Cheese-Eaters-Anonymous” 12-step program to help me through this withdrawal.  Or maybe systematic desensitization where I work my way up to being able to watch pizza commercials without screaming in agony.

On the upside, I’ve lost 4 pounds while eating my usual huge amounts of food.  I’ve also re-discovered the cookbook section at the library and have effectively cleared the shelves of dozens of vegan cookbooks.  I’m planning to post some excellent new recipes on my cookbook site ellenlovescookbooks.com  so check it out if you’re in the mood for eating beans.  I’m the queen of beans these days!

And my blood sugars you ask?  The jury is still out on those.  As far as I can tell, they’ve stayed about the same (at least in the morning which is my every day testing time).  Maybe they’ll continue to improve as I stay on the diet.  And losing more weight may help, and giving up all caffeine and almost all artificial sweeteners, and exercising more, and reducing stress, etc., etc., etc. (I hear the King of Siam in my head when I type that).  I feel I need to trust this process (that’s not easy for me) and stay the course.  I still have 2 months until my next A1c (3-month blood sugar average) and I’m hoping for the best.  Wish me luck and send me your best vegan recipes … 

Insulin. 

On a recent trip to my endocrinologist (due to inadequately controlled blood sugar levels) I heard the dreaded word:  insulin.  The long and short of the situation is that I’m running out of ways to get my sugars under control.  I was doing the low carb diet, the meds and the exercise.  Now the doctor has added a 2nd diabetes med (the maximum dosage) and still all is not tickety-boo.  His question to me was:  what do we do if this doesn’t work?  His suggestions:  another drug to add to the first two (causes weight gain) or bedtime insulin.  Whatever urgency I was feeling before has now become major motivation.  Insulin to me is the absolute last resort.  And this is not a fear of the unknown, rather it is a fear of the known.  I had to use insulin when I was pregnant with my younger daughter and it sucks.  Twice-a-day injections in the thigh:  morning and evening.  And the myth that it doesn’t hurt is just that, a myth. 

So, I did what I had to do when the going gets tough - I went to the library.  The book that leapt into my hand that day is a fairly new one (2007) by Dr. Neal Barnard.  In stark contrast to my low carb diet of old, Dr. Barnard advocates a vegan, low-fat, low G.I. diet.  In his well-researched book he very clearly describes what goes on in the cells of people with type 2 diabetes.  Apparently we have little bits of fat in our cells and mitochondria are responsible for eating up this fat.  Unfortunately, we people with type 2 diabetes have fewer mitochondria in our cells, so the fat is not effectively munched up.  The problem arises because it is the fat that causes our cells to become insulin resistant.  Adopting a low fat vegan diet eliminates fat from our daily intake, reduces the fat in our cells, and decreases insulin resistance.  This should result in better blood sugar levels and lower blood pressure.

So I switched.  I have given up my bacon(!!!) and eggs and am now eating oatmeal every morning for breakfast.  My chicken wings have been replaced by tofu dogs and I have waved bye bye to butter, margarine, and even peanut butter (too high in fat and protein).  It’s still early in this new lifestyle (5 days now) but so far it hasn’t been too bad.  I need to eat every few hours, but I feel really good about what I’m putting into my body. 

And my blood sugars?  Well, the first day they were through the roof (one after-meal reading was over 20).  But slowly, they seem to be coming down.  They’re still too high, but my next A1c (3-month blood sugar average) will be the real test.  My last A1c was around 8.6 when ideally it should be less than 7.0.  I have a few months before my next doc appointment to test the effectiveness of this new diet.  In the meantime I’ll be back at the library, looking for vegan cookbooks.

Some people are so good at appreciating luxury.  Five stars are a necessity.   For me, frugality still often wins out.  I just can’t enjoy myself if I feel like I’ve overspent.

My parents recently got a new luxury vehicle.  We all refer to it as the “hotrod.”  I’ve been anxious about driving it as I do not want to be the one to christen it with the first ding. 

Well, I had to drive it today as our car was in the shop.  I sat down on the heated leather driver’s seat and the only thing I could think of was that it felt like I had peed my pants.  One person’s luxury is another person’s …

This is a tough time of year for the GTBR or “gut-to-boob-ratio,” as I like to call it.  You know, when you look in the mirror and think “oh my God, my gut looks bigger than my boobs!”  I have found that Christmas feasting is a definite contributor to the GTBR phenomenon, and also that there is generally an inverse relationship between the GTBR and ambitions in other areas of life!

With the Christmas schedule my usual routine has been altered, but I’ve really been enjoying the break.  As I was filling in our calendar for the upcoming year, I took the opportunity to reflect on the beauty of relaxation.  Our kids’ schedules are generally pretty packed throughout the school year.   While they do enjoy their various extra-curricular activities, the break from them all is more than welcome.  Balance in our lives is something we’re constantly striving for.  Time for play is something to cherish.

This break our whole family has had time to do the things we love - get together with family and friends to share food and talk, go to some live performances, goof off at home, and catch up on a few niggling chores - the kind where you need a quiet moment to focus your energies on the task at hand. 

I have heard that even-numbered years are ones where you enjoy completion and fruition.  They are supposed to be easier than their odd-numbered counterparts.  Won’t that be nice. 

I’m looking forward to a year of prosperity and wellness.  One of love and hope.  See you there.

I have been away from my “blogging practice” lately.  In pondering the whys of this situation, it dawned on me that I seem to have room for only so many “practices” at any one time in my life.  For instance, if I’m working hard on my healthy eating practice, my blogging practice drops off.  Or if I’m spending a lot of time on my cooking practice, some of my exercise practices may fall away. 

I have recently begun a new healing visualization practice, to work on ridding my body of the diabetes it does not need.  This is one practice I cannot afford to give up.

I have incorporated the healing visualizations into my regular meditation time, which is right before I go to sleep at night.  I originally began meditating because I had a hard time falling asleep.  I find that meditating calms my mind and body, and allows sleep to overtake me.  When I first started, I used a CD, but now I can usually reach a meditative state quite quickly and easily. 

Incorporating the visualizations has given my meditation more of a focus.  I get bored quite easily, so I alternate between many different scenarios in which I visualize my body returning to its healthy state.  One of the challenges of a chronic illness like diabetes is that my body sees this state as its “new normal.”  My body needs to be reminded of its once healthy self so it can begin the process to return there. 

If you’ve enjoyed reading my blog (my general ramblings on life and diabetes), you may want to check out one of my other sites as well - my ramblings on food, (specifically recipes and cookbooks) is at www.ellenloves.com/cookbooks and my ramblings on Vancouver-area restaurants is at www.ellenloves.com/restaurants.

One of the newest additions to my cookbooks site is a weekly post of one (or more) of my favourite recipes.  It’s something that I have cooked during the preceding week and is called my “weekly FILL (food I love lots).”

Hope to see you there!