It’s rather ironic, but now that I have diabetes, I seem to be more in tune with my physical self than I ever have been before.

Because of my diabetes I sometimes feel like my body is betraying me; but at the same time, I feel like I also have a much greater understanding of my body now. Before my diabetes, when my body spoke to me, I largely tried to ignore it. When it got fat, I just put bigger clothes on it. When it got tired, I just slept more.

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes that I really started to listen to my body. I made my body (and my baby’s body) a priority, and got in tune with it in a way I never had before. I spent my time (almost all my time) caring for my physical self. I fed myself properly; I exercised daily; I poked, prodded, tested and re-tested every day, day after day, ad nauseum.

For the first time in a long time, I actually ate when I was hungry, and didn’t eat when I wasn’t hungry. I started to eat less and then let my body tell me if it needed more. I was no longer afraid of the feeling of hunger. I worked on consciously telling myself there would always be enough food. (I’m convinced we have a primal instinct to inhale all food in sight just in case there won’t be any tomorrow).

I had never felt in tune with my physical self before my diabetes. I had never felt like I could count on my body to support me if I needed it. I had always felt awkward, overweight, self-conscious, and incongruous. My outside never matched how I felt inside. My outside was never really me.

That’s different now. Even though I’m older and greyer (or redder depending on the dye-job), I know I can count on my body. Though it’s far from perfect, it’s mine.