My older daughter loves dancing and performing. When she was a toddler my parents bought her a playhouse, which my dad and my husband built for her in our backyard. They decided to add some cement squares to the front of it, which made a “front patio.” When my daughter and I came home and saw it, the first thing she said was “oh daddy, thank you for building me a stage!”

When the fairy of culinary joy smiles down upon me, this is what she will leave in my fridge:

- homemade homous

- devilled eggs

- fresh veggies and bacon, chive, cheese dip

- freshly made Caesar dressing

- washed and dried romaine, leaf, and butter lettuce

- Belgian-chocolate-smothered-almonds (made with Splenda)

- chicken wings with peanut sauce (they’re yummy cold too)

- cooked low salt bacon

- unsalted butter

- freshly squeezed lemon juice

- aioli or fresh mayo

- hot sauces

- sour cream, full fat yogurt

- low-carb flax muffins

- natural peanut butter made with Valencia peanuts (honest, it’s better)

- edamame

- cheese!

- omega 3 eggs

- olives

- nsa soy milk (please someone make an nsa vanilla flavour)

- diet Pepsi

- decaf ice coffee with cream and Splenda

- tofu

- umeboshi (Japanese pickled plums)

- sweet with heat mustard

- nsa ketchup (a product I’ve raved about in the past)

- mugicha (Japanese barley tea)

- crushed almonds and whey protein for low-carb baking

I wonder if she does dishes too?

4. Giving Up the Guilt

You are not a bad person because you developed diabetes. It is not your fault. You are not “bad” because you didn’t exercise today or because you ate more than you intended last night. Nobody can manage diabetes perfectly. Guilt is common when you are living with diabetes, and it is hardly ever useful.

Because of guilt, people often establish tough, sometimes impossible rules about how to manage diabetes (”I must NEVER eat even a bite of junk food ever again.”) Since you can never be perfect, rules like these can make you feel like you are failing and can promote depression. Enough already!

• Remember that you didn’t give yourself diabetes. As people around the world grow heavier and heavier, it almost seems like everyone is trying hard to develop type 2 diabetes. Yet most “fail” to do so. Obesity and a sedentary lifestyle are contributors to type 2 diabetes, but if you don’t have the genes for it, you can’t develop it. For type 1 diabetes, your own actions played no role at all. It wasn’t all those sweets you ate as a child, or anything else you did.

• With your doctor’s help, make sure your diabetes expectations are achievable. Stop beating yourself up when you eat more than you planned, forget to exercise or skip a blood glucose test. You don’t have to be perfect to reach the level of control that can keep you healthy. Develop a reasonable behavioral plan that can help you achieve those goals, then relax!

• Get perspective. Instead of criticizing yourself for the occasional lapse, give yourself credit for all of your positive efforts to manage diabetes. Everyone needs a pat on the back, and you probably deserve one.

Go Dr. P! These are the words that everyone with diabetes needs to hear. We waste so much of our lives feeling guilty about so many things, and having diabetes can be a big contributor to those guilty feelings.

When I was first diagnosed with gestational diabetes I felt soooo guilty. I was sure that gestational diabetes was my “punishment” for having an unhealthy lifestyle. One of the very first things the diabetes nurse said to me was “it is not your fault.” A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders with those 5 words. Instead of wasting energy on my guilt, I was able to move forward and put that energy into eating well and exercising often.

I also find that guilt is often a mask for underlying emotions. Try changing the word “guilty” to a feeling word instead, like angry, sad, scared, or anxious. I once wrote a list of all the things I felt guilty about (it was a pretty long list!) I then forced myself to change the word guilty in every sentence to another feeling word. It was a real eye-opener as to what my true feelings were - and how I was trying to hide them under the guise of guilt. Peeling away the layers helped me to learn a lot more about myself.

It’s hard to believe, but Wednesday June 20, 2007 marks my first anniversary of blogging.

To celebrate the 90 some-odd posts on my life (in general and specific), my family, my friends, my diabetes, my obsession with food and all things tasty, and my overall conviction to have some laughs while still upright, I’d like to invite you all, dear readers, to post some comments.

I know, I know, you don’t really want to post anything because you’re enjoying your anonymity while being a voyeur into my life. But what about if I promise you a chance for some nifty prizes? Or at least an opportunity to be read by tens of people (who can resist that?) Or you could see it as a chance to use up that vast resource of puns you have at your ready disposal. Or just an avenue for congratulating me on sticking to something for a whole year (did I mention I get bored easily?)

The reasons are countless and my gratitude would be fathomless. So please, take a moment to post a nifty little comment. I so want to hear from you.

More words of wisdom from Dr. P. - here is number 3 of the emotional side of diabetes.

3. Defeating Denial

Denial can be a valuable tool. It can be a good way to cope with negative feelings about diabetes, especially when you are first diagnosed or when the disease is feeling out of control.

But denial becomes a problem when it is your only way of coping. Instead of a temporary tool, it becomes a permanent way of life. The response to all diabetes aggravations becomes “I will not think about diabetes anymore.” This means trouble. When you tun your back on diabetes, your long-term health will be endangered.

• Learn the important facts about diabetes. Attend a diabetes educational class or support group in your area. You need to know that: a) diabetes is a serious disease that can harm you when it is not adequately controlled, even if you feel fine; b) ignoring diabetes is likely to cause more serious health problems; c) paying attention to diabetes can help you to live a longer, healthier life.
• Stay informed about your own health status. See your doctor regularly and complete all of the recommended medical tests (such as A1C, blood pressure and cholesterol). Know the results of these tests and what the results mean. When you are well informed, you feel more able to manage diabetes and keep it under control.
• Don’t do diabetes alone. Share your thoughts and feelings about diabetes with a friend. Confiding in someone you trust can help you to gain the support and perspective necessary for making sense out of your own emotions and attitudes.

For me, the regimen of gestational diabetes self-care was exhausting and overwhelming. Meeting a friend in pre-natal class who also had gestational diabetes was such a comfort. We helped each other through all the testing, eating restrictions, and exercising, and ultimately gave birth to healthy babies.

I don’t find it easy to reach out to others for help, but the rewards make it all worth while.

Also see polonsky #2 and polonsky #1.

I just finished reading a book by Nancy Snyderman called “Necessary Journeys - Letting Ourselves Learn from Life.” One of the topics she discusses is the choices she has made in her life in terms of her career (as a surgeon and medical correspondent), and her role as a mother. She says:

“… Does the work we do - whether that is the work of a stay-at-home mother or a job in the outside world - give each of us what we need?

When we are getting what we need - whether that’s a feeling of accomplishment from supervising homework or performing surgery, an income that supports us or improves our lives, or a sense of independence - we feel strong, act strong, and get better at everything we do. Doing feeds the soul. What a woman does in her life isn’t the point; it’s how she feels about it. And how her work, whatever it is, fills her up and rounds her out.”

I think it’s difficult for people, especially women, not to judge other women. Many of our judgments are based on superficial things like career. I know I instantly get a picture in my head when someone tells me what they do for a living.

I find it challenging to explain my own life path to others (probably because it’s always changing and even I’m not sure what it is!) People are always looking for an easy and convenient explanation - a label or a category to place you into. The truth is, for me, it’s never been that simple. I’ve always caught onto new things easily, and while that’s been great for starting things, the challenge quickly fizzles and I’m looking for something new.

For now, the answer for me is continuing to do many different things. Projects and contracts are great because they’re fun for a while and then they’re done. Continuing to go to school, to expand my mind and my spirit, works well for me. Writing feeds my creative needs, and my family overflows me with love and a whole spectrum of emotions. All I need now is some bucks!

My hair could probably be classified as a lethal weapon. I’m not kidding.

Today, when I was driving home, I felt pins and needles poking into the back of my arm. I looked at the car seat and saw nothing. Yet every time my arm touched the seat it was like a needle sticking into me.

Upon closer inspection I saw a tiny piece of my hair sticking out of the seat. I got my hair cut yesterday and a few little clippings fell off and got stuck in the front seat of the car. My hair is very coarse (strong, is the nice way my hairdresser puts it), and it can poke my husband’s eyes out if I’m not careful.

I’m sure it could be used to make some sort of medieval torture device - perhaps a hairshirt of the most heinous kind.

So keep your distance - a stray hair may be deadly.

While we were driving to dinner the other night, I saw the sign:

Used Adult Magazines.

You do the math.

I was gone for a much-needed and much-enjoyed short holiday, but am now back and satisfying my craving for blogging. I had every intention of blogging while I was away, but since I abandoned all my other duties as mom, wife, chief shopper (okay I still shopped), and self-designated worrier, I kinda let the blogging slip as well.

Even though I didn’t access the computer, I still wrote. I can’t help it. I think it’s the way I fully experience things. I experience them first, then ruminate on things, then write about them, and then re-experience and sometimes re-interpret them. For me, the writing is another step in processing the events.

While I was away I also spent time working on suspending my judgments. This is a work in progress for me, as I assume it is for most people. I am constantly making judgments, and this is especially true when I am in new situations. I am also constantly working on digging deeper into those judgments to find out what’s really going on in that murky brain of mine. It is so easy to judge, and so easy to assume. It’s much easier than actually trying to learn from and communicate with those around us.

But with judging comes withdrawal, and reliance on stereotypes, and a few superiority dances. And it all relates back to searching for that holy grail in life - total and complete acceptance and love of oneself. If you have that, you don’t need to judge. You don’t need to withdraw, assume, or stereotype, and you certainly don’t need to do your “superior dance” (altho’ that can be fun).

So, I would highly recommend a break from regular life for everyone. Just to get out of that safe, daily routine that is your life. Busy-ness often leads me to put those blinders on and just do what I do. It’s good to shake things up a bit and reach a little farther. It also doesn’t hurt to indulge in life a bit, and have ice cream for dinner.

Many thanks to Teens, Kev, and the boys, for a lovely holiday, many fond memories, and lots of blog fodder!