If you’ve enjoyed reading my blog (my general ramblings on life and diabetes), you may want to check out one of my other sites as well - my ramblings on food, (specifically recipes and cookbooks) is at www.ellenloves.com/cookbooks and my ramblings on Vancouver-area restaurants is at www.ellenloves.com/restaurants.

One of the newest additions to my cookbooks site is a weekly post of one (or more) of my favourite recipes.  It’s something that I have cooked during the preceding week and is called my “weekly FILL (food I love lots).”

Hope to see you there!

As I watched my younger daughter tear up her spelling test today (because she did not get the mark she wanted), I tried to convince her that the number was unimportant. She had worked hard studying for the test over the past week, and that was more important than her actual score. But to her it was a big deal. She knew she had studied hard, so getting 3 wrong was like a slap in the face. She also used the number to compare herself to the other children sitting at her table. She decided that she was the “dumbest” because everyone else got a better mark than she did.

While my heart was breaking for her, I couldn’t help but think about how I too struggle against the numbers in my life. When I was younger it was mostly a struggle with my weight. I have only recently been public about how much I weigh because I want my daughters to think about their weight as just one number in the equation of their overall health: not the be-all and end-all of their existences. I know I will be only one influence in their lives and we will be at a constant battle against all that is evil in the media today. One of our family members already struggles with an eating disorder, and this is a huge problem amongst young girls these days.

The day-to-day struggle for me now is my blood sugar numbers. My older daughter today told me that my meter reading was bad (she is incredibly rule-bound). I tried to explain to her otherwise, but she retorted that it is supposed to be between 4 and 7, so everything else was bad. While I too try to convince myself that it is just a number, it’s incredibly hard to stave off the disappointment when things are not as you want them to be. One way I relieve my disappointment is through writing - my blog is definitely therapeutic. And many studies have validated the therapeutic value of writing - journaling your fears, regrets, anxieties, etc. is a good tool for lessening your negative emotions.

Other haunting numbers in my life are those in my bank account. For a while I was getting increasingly anxious about our debt. When I sat down and really thought about it (I meditated on it actually), I realized that I was equating the dollars in the bank (or lack thereof) with my self worth. I was interpreting my perceived lack of money as a reflection of my value as a person. I have never valued the “rat race,” but my challenge now is to earn more money while being true to my own needs and values. I try to reflect my values in where I spend my money, and I need to also reflect my values in how I earn money.

But my most pressing task is to help my daughter continue to see her own self worth in the face of disheartening “objective information.” To convince her that she is NOT her spelling test. That she is wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, and delightful. And I’m not saying that just cuz I’m her mother.

I’ve described my use of supplements in previous posts, but I have always felt like I was piecing together bits and pieces of information from various sources, while not knowing which supplements were “essential.” Most recently I have been taking chromium, a multivitamin, and extra vitamin C to boost my immune system. I’ve never done any empirical research, such as testing my blood sugar levels with or without the supplements, so I cannot honestly say I know they work for me. However, in my case, I’m sure the psychological effects are positive as I feel like I’m being proactive in treating my diabetes.

Yesterday, I was sent a link to an article about the “4 best supplements for diabetes.” Those supplements are chromium, magnesium, Vitamin E, and alpha-lipoic acid. In the article, a brief description of each supplement is given, its potential benefits, and also nutritional sources of the ingredient if available. It’s a concise article that emphasizes the most important supplements, so you can eliminate the guesswork in figuring it out for yourself.

Today, I went out and bought myself some magnesium, Vitamin E and ALA. I am committing to more regular blood sugar testing as an adjunct to the additional supplements, so I can monitor any changes. Once a week I will do a full day of testing (7 readings in all) and I will test at least once a day for 5 out of the remaining 6 days (with one day off - phew!).

This reminded me of an old psych study (these are the types of things I think about in the middle of the night) which studied various manipulable factors of workers’ environments, to see if they had any influence on their efficiency. The findings indicated that any type of change improved efficiency - not because the change itself was efficiency-enhancing, but because the researchers were spending time studying the workers, the workers naturally became more efficient. So what’s my point? My point is that I’m expecting that I will see an improvement in my blood sugar levels simply because I am spending time studying it. It’s natural to “pull up one’s socks” a bit if you know you will have to test your blood sugar. Kinda like when you keep a food record you automatically eat less.

So, I’m assuming that part of the improvement I see will be attributed to the record-keeping itself. But I’m also hoping to see even greater improvement due to the supplements themselves. I’ll let you know how it all goes. In the meantime, if you’re interested in checking out the “supplement article” I mentioned previously, please click on the following link.

www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/natural-health/vitamin-boutique/supplements/diabetes?msc=A62588

I’ve been doing lots of reading and thinking lately, about attracting to me what I want in my life - to continue to expand all that is good and discourage the not-so-good stuff. I’ve been ready to let go of my diabetes for quite some time now. So I’m trying to consciously reflect that in everything - including my blog title.

I do think of myself as a pretty smart person. And I have come to realize that there are a few areas in my life where I’ve chosen to accept less from myself. One area is my diabetes and all its baggage, and the other is my financial wellness, where I’ve been procrastinating my butt off. I’m not sure why that is, but I think it has deep psycho (no, that is not a typo) roots in believing I don’t deserve the best. My personal theory of the human experience is that all psychological unwellness has its roots in the belief that we don’t wholly and completely love ourselves and accept ourselves. Think about it for a minute - if you had complete self-acceptance you could let so much stuff go. You wouldn’t care about what the teacher, or the doctor, or the butcher, baker or candle-stick maker thought about you and your spawn (even if they ARE evil). You wouldn’t have to foist your issues on any one else. You could pursue what was nearest and dearest to your heart even if your parents think you should become an accountant. Or a brain surgeon. Or at least a Rhodes scholar. You could say goodbye to a lot of extraneous crap.

So, I’ve decided to work harder on my physical health and harder on my financial health. And I’ll bring you along for the ride …

7.  From Discouraged to Encouraged

Don’t let diabetes get you down.  Diabetes can be a lot of work and sometimes even your best efforts don’t seem to pay off - like when you follow your doctor’s recommendations exactly, but still your blood sugars are elevated!  That is understandably frustrating.  But it is not your fault.  There are ways to make diabetes care encouraging rather than discouraging.

• Measure your diabetes care success in a realistic manner.  You can never be perfect, nor do you need to be.  Blood sugars rise and fall, sometimes for no obvious reason.  So learn about the A1c test, a blood test that measures your average blood sugar over the previous 10-12 weeks.  Your A1c result is the best way to determine how you are really doing and it can help you handle the frustration of the wacky blood sugar readings.  For most people, if their A1c result is in a healthy range, then they are doing fine overall, even if their blood sugars are sometimes erratic.
• Don’t let blood sugar readings determine your self-esteem.  Blood sugar results are neither bad nor good; they are just information.  To help you remember, place a small piece of masking tape on your meter and write on it, “It is just a number.”
• Set clear, specific, short-term goals for action.  If you just have a vague sense that you should be “eating better” or “checking blood sugars more often,” you might believe you are never doing enough.  With your doctor’s help, determine what your most critical self-care tasks should be, and get specific.  For example, exactly how much exercise each week?  Or what type of dietary changes at dinnertime over the next month?  By clarifying your action plan, you can tell when you are successful.

This is a pretty tough one for me.  While I try not to let my “numbers” get me down, it’s pretty hard not to get discouraged when you see high numbers staring back at you from your meter.  This is especially difficult when I have exercised, and eaten right, and still those blood sugar numbers seem to be out of my control. 

I’m sure this is part of the whole “diabetes lesson” for me.  Things can be out of my control and I can live through them.  Heck, I may even learn something in the process.  But it is still a constant battle to remember that “I am not my blood sugar numbers.”

In addition to the specific-ness of goals, I think the realistic attainability of goals is of even greater importance.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t have huge lofty goals, but I definitely believe in the reinforcing properties of success.  I set goals, but make sure I can actually reach them.  Breaking goals down into smaller steps, with specific deadlines works well. 

I also have to spend time determining if it is really my own goal, or a goal I “think” I should be striving for.  I often put other people first, and hence I often put what I perceive to be other people’s goals for me first.  If you can make good sense of this, you have a promising career as a therapist awaiting you :-)  I have had to fight against the urge to continuously express myself only through what I do for other people.  My diabetes has again been an impetus in forcing me to see myself and to recognize my own needs.

In terms of goals, one of the toughest things for me is to be able to acknowledge and accept my successes.  I have had to work hard to be able to “let in” the good stuff and take credit when I deserve it.  For me, fear of success is a much bigger hurdle than fear of failure.