OD: I’ve never seen a boy’s urinal.

YD: I have. I’ve seen daddy’s.

I finally figured it out.

While having dim sum today (did I mention how much I love dim sum?), I finally figured out the Chinese restaurant hierarchy. You know what I mean right? Who is allowed to take your order; who is allowed to bring food to your table; who is allowed to refill your teapot; who is allowed to give you your bill, etc. And everything has a specific level and those below cannot do the jobs of those above, but can only relay the information to those above so that everyone does the right thing.

Well, I finally figured out that more clothing = more power.

The top guy wears a suit.

The middle guy wears a vest and tie.

The bottom guy (usually a woman) wears an apron-y thing.

We also discovered the perils of ordering off an all-Chinese character menu. We were able to match up the numbers and English with the Chinese on the order form (or so we thought). All was going well until “steamed duck tongues” showed up on our order, instead of “spring rolls.” I have images of thousands of quackless ducks. Is it just me?

I recently had to write to my daughter’s teacher about “goals I would like her to work on this year.” One of the things I mentioned was that I would like her to focus more on the process of learning, rather than just on completing assignments as quickly as possible.

On reflection, I realized that this is also soooo me, (is it everyone?). I’m constantly looking to “the end,” with the process as something to get over with. I just want the job, the grade, the piece of paper, the satisfaction. And when I look deeper at what I really want, it usually is that feeling of satisfaction. The “check mark” that says it’s been done and I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

I remember my dad and brother having a discussion about being in process, while my brother was in university. My dad wanted my bro to value his educational process, and to look at university as a process of “delayed gratification.” My bro’s retort was “as opposed to premature gratification?” My brother always had a way of ending a conversation, and getting his ass out of the sling, by making my dad laugh. (Yes, I’m still bitter).

So, what’s my point? My point is that perhaps this is our natural human (cultural?) tendency. We want to “check off” life’s laundry list of activities in order to swiftly move on to the next item. We resist the process. Is it because it’s less definable? Less describable? Less valued? I’m not sure. I’ll have to keep processing this one.

I haven’t been blogging lately (painfully obvious, I know), but I’ve certainly been thinking about it, and writing on my little scraps of paper all over the place. I promise to get back on the blog-train soon. The countdown to “back to school” has begun and I can once again see the glimmer of hope that is my life.

What I learned on my summer vacation? ‘Tis better to experience the pangs of missing thy children, than to feel them breathing down thy neck.

This is #6 on dr. p’s list of important things you need to know about the emotional side of diabetes. Following is one of the components of “the social side” of diabetes.

6. Arresting The Diabetes Police

Friends and family may sometimes think it is their right to help you manage your diabetes, whether you like it or not. Sometimes too much “support,” especially if you didn’t ask for it, can feel like nagging.

When friends and family are bugging you about what to eat or what to do, you may tend to do the opposite of what has been suggested. “Don’t think I should eat that piece of cake? OK, then I’ll have two pieces!” Though they mean well, they have become the Diabetes Police, and you’ve become a Diabetes Criminal.

Start a conversation. Because they care about you, it may be impossible to stop your loved ones from trying to be helpful. So instead of telling them to stop “policing” you, harness their caring in a way that can work for you. Thank them for their concern about your health, explain that their actions are not helping you (if they are not), and let them know specifically how they can be of real help. A heartfelt conversation can help you all feel like you’re on the same team, with no police and no criminals.

Consider your own role. Your loved ones may be nagging because they worry you aren’t managing your diabetes well enough. If they are wrong, let them know how well you are doing by inviting them to your next medical appointment, sharing your A1c results, or having them accompany you to a diabetes education class. If they are right, consider how you might improve your diabetes care.

More excellent advice from Dr. Polonsky.

My husband is my number one supporter and I can honestly say he doesn’t nag me about my diabetes. Come to think of it, he really doesn’t nag me about anything. I truly feel accepted and appreciated by him and he does so many things to remind me of that. If I hear him talking about me from across the room, I trust that what he’s saying about me is something good. If I do anything for him, no matter how mundane, he remembers to thank me. He is such a positive force in my life.

I didn’t really intend this post to (d?)evolve into a tribute to K2, but there you have it. Even I can’t squelch the romance all the time.

“That’s what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get … more stuff!”

- George Carlin

My fingers have not been doing much blogging lately and I’m fairly bursting at the seams. Summer seems to get in the way of all things industrious and easily gives way to watching trash TV and lounging in all different forms. Summer to us also means lots of socializing - a chance to reconnect with family and friends.

We recently went to visit my in-laws who are of the “don’t-you-dare- throw-anything-out-that’s-still-good, and-that-means-basically -everything-you’ve-ever-owned” generation. They remind me of my mom’s parents, who kept every piece of styrofoam meat tray and washed-out plastic bag that ever entered their home.

I wrestle with both the genetic and environmental influences in my constant war against clutter. I admit it. I love stuff. But I hate, I mean I don’t care for, (the word hate is banned at our house) the feelings I get from excess stuff. It’s oppressing, and draining, and an incredible time waster. Purging, organizing, donating, and de-cluttering is now almost as fun as shopping for new stuff. The kids (the real stuff magnets in the family) are even getting good at sorting through their own stuff and deciding which stuff hasta go.

Now if only I could get them to talk to their grandparents about purging their stuff. I imagine something like this … “Grandma, about that old toilet in the playhouse…”

This is #5 of Dr. William Polonsky’s 10 things you need to know about the emotional side of diabetes.

5. Appreciating the Power of Pals

Diabetes is easier to manage when you have people in your life who are rooting for you. When you feel alone with diabetes, it is harder to handle.

Imagine the meaningful ways that loved ones could support you or help you feel less alone: for example, when family members join you in having healthier meals each night, when a good friend shares your anger or disappointment with a high blood sugar reading, when your spouse offers to help you with your next insulin injection, or when your neighbor agrees to join you for a brisk walk each morning. Just having someone in your life who cares can go a long way.

• Ask for the help you need. Many of your loved ones want to support your efforts, especially when you are trying to change your habits, but they may not know how to do so in a manner that fits your needs and respects your independence. So think of a small, specific way in which a friend or family member can be helpful, then ask for that help.
• Be a pal to your pals. Ask for support in a kind, considerate way. If you are too demanding, your loved ones may be unwilling to cooperate. Thank or acknowledge your loved ones when they offer support. Everybody appreciates positive feedback!
• Seek out new friends. Sometimes, friends and family just aren’t as supportive as you had hoped. So make some new friends who can understand the hassles of diabetes. Join a diabetes support group in your community. Your doctor or local hospital can help you find one that is right for you. Talking to other people with diabetes can help you feel less alone.

More excellent advice from Dr. P! I have certainly experienced first-hand the power of having a wonderful support network of friends and family. It makes everything from exercising to eating to empathizing much more fun.

But while support is wonderful, there’s a fine line between supporting and nagging. Everyone needs a break from their diabetes now and then. And everyone needs a little self-indulgence. Often, what’s not said to a person with diabetes, is even more important than what is.

A year or so ago I attended a free series of workshops entitled “Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions.” While not limited to people with diabetes, it offers all kinds of great information for anyone living with a chronic disease. I will blog more about the course and contact information in an upcoming post.

My older daughter loves dancing and performing. When she was a toddler my parents bought her a playhouse, which my dad and my husband built for her in our backyard. They decided to add some cement squares to the front of it, which made a “front patio.” When my daughter and I came home and saw it, the first thing she said was “oh daddy, thank you for building me a stage!”

4. Giving Up the Guilt

You are not a bad person because you developed diabetes. It is not your fault. You are not “bad” because you didn’t exercise today or because you ate more than you intended last night. Nobody can manage diabetes perfectly. Guilt is common when you are living with diabetes, and it is hardly ever useful.

Because of guilt, people often establish tough, sometimes impossible rules about how to manage diabetes (”I must NEVER eat even a bite of junk food ever again.”) Since you can never be perfect, rules like these can make you feel like you are failing and can promote depression. Enough already!

• Remember that you didn’t give yourself diabetes. As people around the world grow heavier and heavier, it almost seems like everyone is trying hard to develop type 2 diabetes. Yet most “fail” to do so. Obesity and a sedentary lifestyle are contributors to type 2 diabetes, but if you don’t have the genes for it, you can’t develop it. For type 1 diabetes, your own actions played no role at all. It wasn’t all those sweets you ate as a child, or anything else you did.

• With your doctor’s help, make sure your diabetes expectations are achievable. Stop beating yourself up when you eat more than you planned, forget to exercise or skip a blood glucose test. You don’t have to be perfect to reach the level of control that can keep you healthy. Develop a reasonable behavioral plan that can help you achieve those goals, then relax!

• Get perspective. Instead of criticizing yourself for the occasional lapse, give yourself credit for all of your positive efforts to manage diabetes. Everyone needs a pat on the back, and you probably deserve one.

Go Dr. P! These are the words that everyone with diabetes needs to hear. We waste so much of our lives feeling guilty about so many things, and having diabetes can be a big contributor to those guilty feelings.

When I was first diagnosed with gestational diabetes I felt soooo guilty. I was sure that gestational diabetes was my “punishment” for having an unhealthy lifestyle. One of the very first things the diabetes nurse said to me was “it is not your fault.” A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders with those 5 words. Instead of wasting energy on my guilt, I was able to move forward and put that energy into eating well and exercising often.

I also find that guilt is often a mask for underlying emotions. Try changing the word “guilty” to a feeling word instead, like angry, sad, scared, or anxious. I once wrote a list of all the things I felt guilty about (it was a pretty long list!) I then forced myself to change the word guilty in every sentence to another feeling word. It was a real eye-opener as to what my true feelings were - and how I was trying to hide them under the guise of guilt. Peeling away the layers helped me to learn a lot more about myself.

It’s hard to believe, but Wednesday June 20, 2007 marks my first anniversary of blogging.

To celebrate the 90 some-odd posts on my life (in general and specific), my family, my friends, my diabetes, my obsession with food and all things tasty, and my overall conviction to have some laughs while still upright, I’d like to invite you all, dear readers, to post some comments.

I know, I know, you don’t really want to post anything because you’re enjoying your anonymity while being a voyeur into my life. But what about if I promise you a chance for some nifty prizes? Or at least an opportunity to be read by tens of people (who can resist that?) Or you could see it as a chance to use up that vast resource of puns you have at your ready disposal. Or just an avenue for congratulating me on sticking to something for a whole year (did I mention I get bored easily?)

The reasons are countless and my gratitude would be fathomless. So please, take a moment to post a nifty little comment. I so want to hear from you.