So, you know I’m on the vegan diet.  The low-fat, low-GI, low-carb, no caffeine, no artificial sweeteners, no nuts, no avocadoes, no olives, vegan diet.  And this has been about a month now and I’ve lost 4 pounds which isn’t bad.  But the disgusting thing is, my hubby who is only part-time on the aforementioned diet, while still maintaining the coke-swilling, chocolate-bar-inhaling, and bacon-and-pizza-eating diet, has lost 5 pounds. 

Undeniable evidence that life is not fair. 

So it’s now 3.5 weeks into the vegan diet.  Surprisingly, I’m not yet ogling anyone’s burgers, wings, or even bacon (altho’ I do feel we need new legislation to regulate what is allowed to be called bacon.  Soy bacon is definitely an oxymoron).  The whole thing (maybe due to its newness) still feels like a bit of a grand adventure.  I always seem to be eating outside of the mainstream anyway, so “not eating what everyone else is eating” is nothing new. 

While I don’t really miss the meat, I do miss the cheese.  I used to eat a lot of cheese - it was such a quick and delicious snack.  And it “really” melts, not like the “puddling” of soy cheese.  The Dr. Barnard book I read said that there are 4 types of foods that we physiologically crave, and they have been shown to affect our brains in similar ways to drugs or alcohol.  They are:  sugar, chocolate, meat and cheese.  So maybe I need to go to some “Cheese-Eaters-Anonymous” 12-step program to help me through this withdrawal.  Or maybe systematic desensitization where I work my way up to being able to watch pizza commercials without screaming in agony.

On the upside, I’ve lost 4 pounds while eating my usual huge amounts of food.  I’ve also re-discovered the cookbook section at the library and have effectively cleared the shelves of dozens of vegan cookbooks.  I’m planning to post some excellent new recipes on my cookbook site ellenlovescookbooks.com  so check it out if you’re in the mood for eating beans.  I’m the queen of beans these days!

And my blood sugars you ask?  The jury is still out on those.  As far as I can tell, they’ve stayed about the same (at least in the morning which is my every day testing time).  Maybe they’ll continue to improve as I stay on the diet.  And losing more weight may help, and giving up all caffeine and almost all artificial sweeteners, and exercising more, and reducing stress, etc., etc., etc. (I hear the King of Siam in my head when I type that).  I feel I need to trust this process (that’s not easy for me) and stay the course.  I still have 2 months until my next A1c (3-month blood sugar average) and I’m hoping for the best.  Wish me luck and send me your best vegan recipes … 

Insulin. 

On a recent trip to my endocrinologist (due to inadequately controlled blood sugar levels) I heard the dreaded word:  insulin.  The long and short of the situation is that I’m running out of ways to get my sugars under control.  I was doing the low carb diet, the meds and the exercise.  Now the doctor has added a 2nd diabetes med (the maximum dosage) and still all is not tickety-boo.  His question to me was:  what do we do if this doesn’t work?  His suggestions:  another drug to add to the first two (causes weight gain) or bedtime insulin.  Whatever urgency I was feeling before has now become major motivation.  Insulin to me is the absolute last resort.  And this is not a fear of the unknown, rather it is a fear of the known.  I had to use insulin when I was pregnant with my younger daughter and it sucks.  Twice-a-day injections in the thigh:  morning and evening.  And the myth that it doesn’t hurt is just that, a myth. 

So, I did what I had to do when the going gets tough - I went to the library.  The book that leapt into my hand that day is a fairly new one (2007) by Dr. Neal Barnard.  In stark contrast to my low carb diet of old, Dr. Barnard advocates a vegan, low-fat, low G.I. diet.  In his well-researched book he very clearly describes what goes on in the cells of people with type 2 diabetes.  Apparently we have little bits of fat in our cells and mitochondria are responsible for eating up this fat.  Unfortunately, we people with type 2 diabetes have fewer mitochondria in our cells, so the fat is not effectively munched up.  The problem arises because it is the fat that causes our cells to become insulin resistant.  Adopting a low fat vegan diet eliminates fat from our daily intake, reduces the fat in our cells, and decreases insulin resistance.  This should result in better blood sugar levels and lower blood pressure.

So I switched.  I have given up my bacon(!!!) and eggs and am now eating oatmeal every morning for breakfast.  My chicken wings have been replaced by tofu dogs and I have waved bye bye to butter, margarine, and even peanut butter (too high in fat and protein).  It’s still early in this new lifestyle (5 days now) but so far it hasn’t been too bad.  I need to eat every few hours, but I feel really good about what I’m putting into my body. 

And my blood sugars?  Well, the first day they were through the roof (one after-meal reading was over 20).  But slowly, they seem to be coming down.  They’re still too high, but my next A1c (3-month blood sugar average) will be the real test.  My last A1c was around 8.6 when ideally it should be less than 7.0.  I have a few months before my next doc appointment to test the effectiveness of this new diet.  In the meantime I’ll be back at the library, looking for vegan cookbooks.

This is a tough time of year for the GTBR or “gut-to-boob-ratio,” as I like to call it.  You know, when you look in the mirror and think “oh my God, my gut looks bigger than my boobs!”  I have found that Christmas feasting is a definite contributor to the GTBR phenomenon, and also that there is generally an inverse relationship between the GTBR and ambitions in other areas of life!

With the Christmas schedule my usual routine has been altered, but I’ve really been enjoying the break.  As I was filling in our calendar for the upcoming year, I took the opportunity to reflect on the beauty of relaxation.  Our kids’ schedules are generally pretty packed throughout the school year.   While they do enjoy their various extra-curricular activities, the break from them all is more than welcome.  Balance in our lives is something we’re constantly striving for.  Time for play is something to cherish.

This break our whole family has had time to do the things we love - get together with family and friends to share food and talk, go to some live performances, goof off at home, and catch up on a few niggling chores - the kind where you need a quiet moment to focus your energies on the task at hand. 

I have heard that even-numbered years are ones where you enjoy completion and fruition.  They are supposed to be easier than their odd-numbered counterparts.  Won’t that be nice. 

I’m looking forward to a year of prosperity and wellness.  One of love and hope.  See you there.

I have been away from my “blogging practice” lately.  In pondering the whys of this situation, it dawned on me that I seem to have room for only so many “practices” at any one time in my life.  For instance, if I’m working hard on my healthy eating practice, my blogging practice drops off.  Or if I’m spending a lot of time on my cooking practice, some of my exercise practices may fall away. 

I have recently begun a new healing visualization practice, to work on ridding my body of the diabetes it does not need.  This is one practice I cannot afford to give up.

I have incorporated the healing visualizations into my regular meditation time, which is right before I go to sleep at night.  I originally began meditating because I had a hard time falling asleep.  I find that meditating calms my mind and body, and allows sleep to overtake me.  When I first started, I used a CD, but now I can usually reach a meditative state quite quickly and easily. 

Incorporating the visualizations has given my meditation more of a focus.  I get bored quite easily, so I alternate between many different scenarios in which I visualize my body returning to its healthy state.  One of the challenges of a chronic illness like diabetes is that my body sees this state as its “new normal.”  My body needs to be reminded of its once healthy self so it can begin the process to return there. 

If you’ve enjoyed reading my blog (my general ramblings on life and diabetes), you may want to check out one of my other sites as well - my ramblings on food, (specifically recipes and cookbooks) is at www.ellenloves.com/cookbooks and my ramblings on Vancouver-area restaurants is at www.ellenloves.com/restaurants.

One of the newest additions to my cookbooks site is a weekly post of one (or more) of my favourite recipes.  It’s something that I have cooked during the preceding week and is called my “weekly FILL (food I love lots).”

Hope to see you there!

7.  From Discouraged to Encouraged

Don’t let diabetes get you down.  Diabetes can be a lot of work and sometimes even your best efforts don’t seem to pay off - like when you follow your doctor’s recommendations exactly, but still your blood sugars are elevated!  That is understandably frustrating.  But it is not your fault.  There are ways to make diabetes care encouraging rather than discouraging.

• Measure your diabetes care success in a realistic manner.  You can never be perfect, nor do you need to be.  Blood sugars rise and fall, sometimes for no obvious reason.  So learn about the A1c test, a blood test that measures your average blood sugar over the previous 10-12 weeks.  Your A1c result is the best way to determine how you are really doing and it can help you handle the frustration of the wacky blood sugar readings.  For most people, if their A1c result is in a healthy range, then they are doing fine overall, even if their blood sugars are sometimes erratic.
• Don’t let blood sugar readings determine your self-esteem.  Blood sugar results are neither bad nor good; they are just information.  To help you remember, place a small piece of masking tape on your meter and write on it, “It is just a number.”
• Set clear, specific, short-term goals for action.  If you just have a vague sense that you should be “eating better” or “checking blood sugars more often,” you might believe you are never doing enough.  With your doctor’s help, determine what your most critical self-care tasks should be, and get specific.  For example, exactly how much exercise each week?  Or what type of dietary changes at dinnertime over the next month?  By clarifying your action plan, you can tell when you are successful.

This is a pretty tough one for me.  While I try not to let my “numbers” get me down, it’s pretty hard not to get discouraged when you see high numbers staring back at you from your meter.  This is especially difficult when I have exercised, and eaten right, and still those blood sugar numbers seem to be out of my control. 

I’m sure this is part of the whole “diabetes lesson” for me.  Things can be out of my control and I can live through them.  Heck, I may even learn something in the process.  But it is still a constant battle to remember that “I am not my blood sugar numbers.”

In addition to the specific-ness of goals, I think the realistic attainability of goals is of even greater importance.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t have huge lofty goals, but I definitely believe in the reinforcing properties of success.  I set goals, but make sure I can actually reach them.  Breaking goals down into smaller steps, with specific deadlines works well. 

I also have to spend time determining if it is really my own goal, or a goal I “think” I should be striving for.  I often put other people first, and hence I often put what I perceive to be other people’s goals for me first.  If you can make good sense of this, you have a promising career as a therapist awaiting you :-)  I have had to fight against the urge to continuously express myself only through what I do for other people.  My diabetes has again been an impetus in forcing me to see myself and to recognize my own needs.

In terms of goals, one of the toughest things for me is to be able to acknowledge and accept my successes.  I have had to work hard to be able to “let in” the good stuff and take credit when I deserve it.  For me, fear of success is a much bigger hurdle than fear of failure.   

I finally figured it out.

While having dim sum today (did I mention how much I love dim sum?), I finally figured out the Chinese restaurant hierarchy. You know what I mean right? Who is allowed to take your order; who is allowed to bring food to your table; who is allowed to refill your teapot; who is allowed to give you your bill, etc. And everything has a specific level and those below cannot do the jobs of those above, but can only relay the information to those above so that everyone does the right thing.

Well, I finally figured out that more clothing = more power.

The top guy wears a suit.

The middle guy wears a vest and tie.

The bottom guy (usually a woman) wears an apron-y thing.

We also discovered the perils of ordering off an all-Chinese character menu. We were able to match up the numbers and English with the Chinese on the order form (or so we thought). All was going well until “steamed duck tongues” showed up on our order, instead of “spring rolls.” I have images of thousands of quackless ducks. Is it just me?

This is #5 of Dr. William Polonsky’s 10 things you need to know about the emotional side of diabetes.

5. Appreciating the Power of Pals

Diabetes is easier to manage when you have people in your life who are rooting for you. When you feel alone with diabetes, it is harder to handle.

Imagine the meaningful ways that loved ones could support you or help you feel less alone: for example, when family members join you in having healthier meals each night, when a good friend shares your anger or disappointment with a high blood sugar reading, when your spouse offers to help you with your next insulin injection, or when your neighbor agrees to join you for a brisk walk each morning. Just having someone in your life who cares can go a long way.

• Ask for the help you need. Many of your loved ones want to support your efforts, especially when you are trying to change your habits, but they may not know how to do so in a manner that fits your needs and respects your independence. So think of a small, specific way in which a friend or family member can be helpful, then ask for that help.
• Be a pal to your pals. Ask for support in a kind, considerate way. If you are too demanding, your loved ones may be unwilling to cooperate. Thank or acknowledge your loved ones when they offer support. Everybody appreciates positive feedback!
• Seek out new friends. Sometimes, friends and family just aren’t as supportive as you had hoped. So make some new friends who can understand the hassles of diabetes. Join a diabetes support group in your community. Your doctor or local hospital can help you find one that is right for you. Talking to other people with diabetes can help you feel less alone.

More excellent advice from Dr. P! I have certainly experienced first-hand the power of having a wonderful support network of friends and family. It makes everything from exercising to eating to empathizing much more fun.

But while support is wonderful, there’s a fine line between supporting and nagging. Everyone needs a break from their diabetes now and then. And everyone needs a little self-indulgence. Often, what’s not said to a person with diabetes, is even more important than what is.

A year or so ago I attended a free series of workshops entitled “Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions.” While not limited to people with diabetes, it offers all kinds of great information for anyone living with a chronic disease. I will blog more about the course and contact information in an upcoming post.

When the fairy of culinary joy smiles down upon me, this is what she will leave in my fridge:

- homemade homous

- devilled eggs

- fresh veggies and bacon, chive, cheese dip

- freshly made Caesar dressing

- washed and dried romaine, leaf, and butter lettuce

- Belgian-chocolate-smothered-almonds (made with Splenda)

- chicken wings with peanut sauce (they’re yummy cold too)

- cooked low salt bacon

- unsalted butter

- freshly squeezed lemon juice

- aioli or fresh mayo

- hot sauces

- sour cream, full fat yogurt

- low-carb flax muffins

- natural peanut butter made with Valencia peanuts (honest, it’s better)

- edamame

- cheese!

- omega 3 eggs

- olives

- nsa soy milk (please someone make an nsa vanilla flavour)

- diet Pepsi

- decaf ice coffee with cream and Splenda

- tofu

- umeboshi (Japanese pickled plums)

- sweet with heat mustard

- nsa ketchup (a product I’ve raved about in the past)

- mugicha (Japanese barley tea)

- crushed almonds and whey protein for low-carb baking

I wonder if she does dishes too?