I haven’t been blogging lately (painfully obvious, I know), but I’ve certainly been thinking about it, and writing on my little scraps of paper all over the place. I promise to get back on the blog-train soon. The countdown to “back to school” has begun and I can once again see the glimmer of hope that is my life.

What I learned on my summer vacation? ‘Tis better to experience the pangs of missing thy children, than to feel them breathing down thy neck.

This is #6 on dr. p’s list of important things you need to know about the emotional side of diabetes. Following is one of the components of “the social side” of diabetes.

6. Arresting The Diabetes Police

Friends and family may sometimes think it is their right to help you manage your diabetes, whether you like it or not. Sometimes too much “support,” especially if you didn’t ask for it, can feel like nagging.

When friends and family are bugging you about what to eat or what to do, you may tend to do the opposite of what has been suggested. “Don’t think I should eat that piece of cake? OK, then I’ll have two pieces!” Though they mean well, they have become the Diabetes Police, and you’ve become a Diabetes Criminal.

Start a conversation. Because they care about you, it may be impossible to stop your loved ones from trying to be helpful. So instead of telling them to stop “policing” you, harness their caring in a way that can work for you. Thank them for their concern about your health, explain that their actions are not helping you (if they are not), and let them know specifically how they can be of real help. A heartfelt conversation can help you all feel like you’re on the same team, with no police and no criminals.

Consider your own role. Your loved ones may be nagging because they worry you aren’t managing your diabetes well enough. If they are wrong, let them know how well you are doing by inviting them to your next medical appointment, sharing your A1c results, or having them accompany you to a diabetes education class. If they are right, consider how you might improve your diabetes care.

More excellent advice from Dr. Polonsky.

My husband is my number one supporter and I can honestly say he doesn’t nag me about my diabetes. Come to think of it, he really doesn’t nag me about anything. I truly feel accepted and appreciated by him and he does so many things to remind me of that. If I hear him talking about me from across the room, I trust that what he’s saying about me is something good. If I do anything for him, no matter how mundane, he remembers to thank me. He is such a positive force in my life.

I didn’t really intend this post to (d?)evolve into a tribute to K2, but there you have it. Even I can’t squelch the romance all the time.

“That’s what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get … more stuff!”

- George Carlin

My fingers have not been doing much blogging lately and I’m fairly bursting at the seams. Summer seems to get in the way of all things industrious and easily gives way to watching trash TV and lounging in all different forms. Summer to us also means lots of socializing - a chance to reconnect with family and friends.

We recently went to visit my in-laws who are of the “don’t-you-dare- throw-anything-out-that’s-still-good, and-that-means-basically -everything-you’ve-ever-owned” generation. They remind me of my mom’s parents, who kept every piece of styrofoam meat tray and washed-out plastic bag that ever entered their home.

I wrestle with both the genetic and environmental influences in my constant war against clutter. I admit it. I love stuff. But I hate, I mean I don’t care for, (the word hate is banned at our house) the feelings I get from excess stuff. It’s oppressing, and draining, and an incredible time waster. Purging, organizing, donating, and de-cluttering is now almost as fun as shopping for new stuff. The kids (the real stuff magnets in the family) are even getting good at sorting through their own stuff and deciding which stuff hasta go.

Now if only I could get them to talk to their grandparents about purging their stuff. I imagine something like this … “Grandma, about that old toilet in the playhouse…”

This is #5 of Dr. William Polonsky’s 10 things you need to know about the emotional side of diabetes.

5. Appreciating the Power of Pals

Diabetes is easier to manage when you have people in your life who are rooting for you. When you feel alone with diabetes, it is harder to handle.

Imagine the meaningful ways that loved ones could support you or help you feel less alone: for example, when family members join you in having healthier meals each night, when a good friend shares your anger or disappointment with a high blood sugar reading, when your spouse offers to help you with your next insulin injection, or when your neighbor agrees to join you for a brisk walk each morning. Just having someone in your life who cares can go a long way.

• Ask for the help you need. Many of your loved ones want to support your efforts, especially when you are trying to change your habits, but they may not know how to do so in a manner that fits your needs and respects your independence. So think of a small, specific way in which a friend or family member can be helpful, then ask for that help.
• Be a pal to your pals. Ask for support in a kind, considerate way. If you are too demanding, your loved ones may be unwilling to cooperate. Thank or acknowledge your loved ones when they offer support. Everybody appreciates positive feedback!
• Seek out new friends. Sometimes, friends and family just aren’t as supportive as you had hoped. So make some new friends who can understand the hassles of diabetes. Join a diabetes support group in your community. Your doctor or local hospital can help you find one that is right for you. Talking to other people with diabetes can help you feel less alone.

More excellent advice from Dr. P! I have certainly experienced first-hand the power of having a wonderful support network of friends and family. It makes everything from exercising to eating to empathizing much more fun.

But while support is wonderful, there’s a fine line between supporting and nagging. Everyone needs a break from their diabetes now and then. And everyone needs a little self-indulgence. Often, what’s not said to a person with diabetes, is even more important than what is.

A year or so ago I attended a free series of workshops entitled “Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions.” While not limited to people with diabetes, it offers all kinds of great information for anyone living with a chronic disease. I will blog more about the course and contact information in an upcoming post.

4. Giving Up the Guilt

You are not a bad person because you developed diabetes. It is not your fault. You are not “bad” because you didn’t exercise today or because you ate more than you intended last night. Nobody can manage diabetes perfectly. Guilt is common when you are living with diabetes, and it is hardly ever useful.

Because of guilt, people often establish tough, sometimes impossible rules about how to manage diabetes (”I must NEVER eat even a bite of junk food ever again.”) Since you can never be perfect, rules like these can make you feel like you are failing and can promote depression. Enough already!

• Remember that you didn’t give yourself diabetes. As people around the world grow heavier and heavier, it almost seems like everyone is trying hard to develop type 2 diabetes. Yet most “fail” to do so. Obesity and a sedentary lifestyle are contributors to type 2 diabetes, but if you don’t have the genes for it, you can’t develop it. For type 1 diabetes, your own actions played no role at all. It wasn’t all those sweets you ate as a child, or anything else you did.

• With your doctor’s help, make sure your diabetes expectations are achievable. Stop beating yourself up when you eat more than you planned, forget to exercise or skip a blood glucose test. You don’t have to be perfect to reach the level of control that can keep you healthy. Develop a reasonable behavioral plan that can help you achieve those goals, then relax!

• Get perspective. Instead of criticizing yourself for the occasional lapse, give yourself credit for all of your positive efforts to manage diabetes. Everyone needs a pat on the back, and you probably deserve one.

Go Dr. P! These are the words that everyone with diabetes needs to hear. We waste so much of our lives feeling guilty about so many things, and having diabetes can be a big contributor to those guilty feelings.

When I was first diagnosed with gestational diabetes I felt soooo guilty. I was sure that gestational diabetes was my “punishment” for having an unhealthy lifestyle. One of the very first things the diabetes nurse said to me was “it is not your fault.” A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders with those 5 words. Instead of wasting energy on my guilt, I was able to move forward and put that energy into eating well and exercising often.

I also find that guilt is often a mask for underlying emotions. Try changing the word “guilty” to a feeling word instead, like angry, sad, scared, or anxious. I once wrote a list of all the things I felt guilty about (it was a pretty long list!) I then forced myself to change the word guilty in every sentence to another feeling word. It was a real eye-opener as to what my true feelings were - and how I was trying to hide them under the guise of guilt. Peeling away the layers helped me to learn a lot more about myself.

It’s hard to believe, but Wednesday June 20, 2007 marks my first anniversary of blogging.

To celebrate the 90 some-odd posts on my life (in general and specific), my family, my friends, my diabetes, my obsession with food and all things tasty, and my overall conviction to have some laughs while still upright, I’d like to invite you all, dear readers, to post some comments.

I know, I know, you don’t really want to post anything because you’re enjoying your anonymity while being a voyeur into my life. But what about if I promise you a chance for some nifty prizes? Or at least an opportunity to be read by tens of people (who can resist that?) Or you could see it as a chance to use up that vast resource of puns you have at your ready disposal. Or just an avenue for congratulating me on sticking to something for a whole year (did I mention I get bored easily?)

The reasons are countless and my gratitude would be fathomless. So please, take a moment to post a nifty little comment. I so want to hear from you.

More words of wisdom from Dr. P. - here is number 3 of the emotional side of diabetes.

3. Defeating Denial

Denial can be a valuable tool. It can be a good way to cope with negative feelings about diabetes, especially when you are first diagnosed or when the disease is feeling out of control.

But denial becomes a problem when it is your only way of coping. Instead of a temporary tool, it becomes a permanent way of life. The response to all diabetes aggravations becomes “I will not think about diabetes anymore.” This means trouble. When you tun your back on diabetes, your long-term health will be endangered.

• Learn the important facts about diabetes. Attend a diabetes educational class or support group in your area. You need to know that: a) diabetes is a serious disease that can harm you when it is not adequately controlled, even if you feel fine; b) ignoring diabetes is likely to cause more serious health problems; c) paying attention to diabetes can help you to live a longer, healthier life.
• Stay informed about your own health status. See your doctor regularly and complete all of the recommended medical tests (such as A1C, blood pressure and cholesterol). Know the results of these tests and what the results mean. When you are well informed, you feel more able to manage diabetes and keep it under control.
• Don’t do diabetes alone. Share your thoughts and feelings about diabetes with a friend. Confiding in someone you trust can help you to gain the support and perspective necessary for making sense out of your own emotions and attitudes.

For me, the regimen of gestational diabetes self-care was exhausting and overwhelming. Meeting a friend in pre-natal class who also had gestational diabetes was such a comfort. We helped each other through all the testing, eating restrictions, and exercising, and ultimately gave birth to healthy babies.

I don’t find it easy to reach out to others for help, but the rewards make it all worth while.

Also see polonsky #2 and polonsky #1.

I just finished reading a book by Nancy Snyderman called “Necessary Journeys - Letting Ourselves Learn from Life.” One of the topics she discusses is the choices she has made in her life in terms of her career (as a surgeon and medical correspondent), and her role as a mother. She says:

“… Does the work we do - whether that is the work of a stay-at-home mother or a job in the outside world - give each of us what we need?

When we are getting what we need - whether that’s a feeling of accomplishment from supervising homework or performing surgery, an income that supports us or improves our lives, or a sense of independence - we feel strong, act strong, and get better at everything we do. Doing feeds the soul. What a woman does in her life isn’t the point; it’s how she feels about it. And how her work, whatever it is, fills her up and rounds her out.”

I think it’s difficult for people, especially women, not to judge other women. Many of our judgments are based on superficial things like career. I know I instantly get a picture in my head when someone tells me what they do for a living.

I find it challenging to explain my own life path to others (probably because it’s always changing and even I’m not sure what it is!) People are always looking for an easy and convenient explanation - a label or a category to place you into. The truth is, for me, it’s never been that simple. I’ve always caught onto new things easily, and while that’s been great for starting things, the challenge quickly fizzles and I’m looking for something new.

For now, the answer for me is continuing to do many different things. Projects and contracts are great because they’re fun for a while and then they’re done. Continuing to go to school, to expand my mind and my spirit, works well for me. Writing feeds my creative needs, and my family overflows me with love and a whole spectrum of emotions. All I need now is some bucks!

I was gone for a much-needed and much-enjoyed short holiday, but am now back and satisfying my craving for blogging. I had every intention of blogging while I was away, but since I abandoned all my other duties as mom, wife, chief shopper (okay I still shopped), and self-designated worrier, I kinda let the blogging slip as well.

Even though I didn’t access the computer, I still wrote. I can’t help it. I think it’s the way I fully experience things. I experience them first, then ruminate on things, then write about them, and then re-experience and sometimes re-interpret them. For me, the writing is another step in processing the events.

While I was away I also spent time working on suspending my judgments. This is a work in progress for me, as I assume it is for most people. I am constantly making judgments, and this is especially true when I am in new situations. I am also constantly working on digging deeper into those judgments to find out what’s really going on in that murky brain of mine. It is so easy to judge, and so easy to assume. It’s much easier than actually trying to learn from and communicate with those around us.

But with judging comes withdrawal, and reliance on stereotypes, and a few superiority dances. And it all relates back to searching for that holy grail in life - total and complete acceptance and love of oneself. If you have that, you don’t need to judge. You don’t need to withdraw, assume, or stereotype, and you certainly don’t need to do your “superior dance” (altho’ that can be fun).

So, I would highly recommend a break from regular life for everyone. Just to get out of that safe, daily routine that is your life. Busy-ness often leads me to put those blinders on and just do what I do. It’s good to shake things up a bit and reach a little farther. It also doesn’t hurt to indulge in life a bit, and have ice cream for dinner.

Many thanks to Teens, Kev, and the boys, for a lovely holiday, many fond memories, and lots of blog fodder!

As promised, more of the “10 things you need to know about the emotional side of diabetes” from Dr. William Polonsky of the Behavioral Diabetes Institute.

2. Overcoming Depression

Depression is a serious problem, and it can be even more serious when you have diabetes. People with diabetes are almost twice as likely to develop depression as other people. If you are depressed, diabetes can become a lot harder to handle and your blood sugars are likely to rise. When your diabetes is out of control, this can make it even harder to escape depression. It becomes a vicious circle. The good news is that there are effective treatments that can help you recover your emotional health. These treatments can also help you improve your blood sugars and feel more in control of diabetes.

• Watch for the warning signs. If you are feeling down or helpless about life, have lost your “get up and go,” or are feeling reduced interest or pleasure from the things you used to enjoy, then talk to your doctor as soon as possible.

• Take action to avoid depression. Make sure to get a good night’s sleep as often as possible, stay active, and spend time with friends each day. Include activities in your daily life that are personally rewarding and meaningful, like taking an interesting class or volunteering at a local museum. All of these can be powerful antidepressants.

• If you are depressed, don’t just wait around and hope it will go away. There are several good medications and different forms of counselling that have been proven to help people recover from depression. Speak with your doctor about getting the help you need.

While I’ve been fortunate to escape depression myself, I have met many people battling this serious problem. Having diabetes (or any illness) coupled with depression, makes life even more challenging. Please take the opportunity to put yourself first, and get the help you need. It’s not easy to ask for help, but you’ll be a stronger person for it.